octobra:

if you step on the back of my shoe and it comes off I will do the same thing to ur head

(Source: youtubeofficial, via liightup)


119,456 notes




h0ckeymom:

i secretly like getting assigned seats in school because it takes away that awkward “i have no friends in this class where the fuck am i gonna sit” factor

(via unescapable)


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friendlysniper-takeo:


Hi dog.
HI CAT HI CAT HI CAT HI CAT HI CAT HI CAT HI CAT HI CAT HI CAT HI CAT HI CAT HI CAT HI CAT HI CAT HI CAT HI CAT HI CAT HI CAT HI CAT HI CAT HI CAT HI CAT


Good dreams make me sad because I know they won’t actually happen. But sad dreams are still sad.


0 notes


glitterandnightmares:

officialunitedstates:

Many of us know Olive Garden’s slogan When You’re Here, You’re Family.  Well, I recently put that to the test.
The tables were wooden and nice to sit at.  The chairs were also comfortable.  The view wasn’t anything special, but there was a pretty cool looking van in the Walmart parking lot that had flames on its sides. 
I was immediately offered wine, and after admitting I was underage, refused wine.  If you’re going to offer me wine, please don’t rescind your offer.  It’s common courtesy.
The napkins were probably the highlight.  They were cloth and worked really well at cleaning the windows.  One waiter told me I didn’t have to do that, but I insisted.  After all, I like a good, clear view of parking lots.  Who doesn’t.
Finally, it was time to order.  I went with the pizza.  The menu said I could pick four toppings, so I chose half portions of eight toppings.  There were only seven to choose from, though, so I made one up.  “…and blorgaspork.”
"Sorry?  What is blorgaspork?"
"That’s your job to know, now isn’t it."
After a reasonable wait, my food arrived.  It was a really good meal, not exactly overpriced, but not exactly underpriced either.  It was just priced.
My waiter soon arrived and asked me if I wanted dessert. 
"Steve," I said, "Have a seat."
He did.
"I have this business idea.  And while I’m here, and we’re family, I was hoping you could give me a loan."
Steve tried to laugh it off.  Like it was some kind of joke.  I was offended and he could tell.  “Steve, this isn’t a joke.”
Steve looked a bit nervous.  I grabbed his hands and pinned them to the table.  “Are we family or not, Steve.”
"Not in the literal sense…" said Steve.  I wasn’t going to let him reason his way out of this one. 
"Look, Steve.  I cleaned your windows.  Family does that for each other.  They clean each others’ windows.  Now, don’t you think I deserve that loan?  We’re family, Steve, we’re family."
Steve handed me 13 bucks.  “Thanks, Steve.”
★★★☆☆


I work at Olive Garden also what the fuck

She was laughing even as we kissed and kissed again. There is no better taste than someone else’s laughter in your mouth.

-(via the-psycho-cutie)

(Source: parachute3s, via chinchilley)


32,454 notes



suprchnk:

phil collins went off doing the tarzan soundtrack.

he ain’t have to go that hard like that.

(via what-is-this-i-dont-even)


6,464 notes



496,999 notes